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  #21  
Old 01-06-2009, 03:12 PM
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JRThro JRThro is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by A Fish Named Wallyum
This is the only one I can tell on a family forum.

What's the other one?
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  #22  
Old 01-06-2009, 05:38 PM
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Les, you are going to need to starting playing a violin when you tell those jokes.

Peartree - Long way to go for that punch line - but worth the trip!

Doug - eeewwwwww!....but funny!

Mark \\.

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  #23  
Old 01-06-2009, 05:41 PM
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Gillard - I think you have to be closer to the son's position than to the dad's to really appreciate the wit in that joke...

Mark \\.
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  #24  
Old 01-06-2009, 07:21 PM
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Default What? No psychiatrist jokes?

What? No psychiatrist jokes?
OK, I'll be first:

A man walks into a psychiatrist office with a duck on his head.
The psychiatrist says, "How can I help you?"
and the duck says, "Can you get this guy off my butt?!"


(Are we allowed any of "The Aristocrats" variety?)
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  #25  
Old 01-06-2009, 07:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Der Red Max
What? No psychiatrist jokes? [...]

Yes, finally! I was beginning to wonder about this crowd...

A genuine golden oldie!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Der Red Max
(Are we allowed any of "The Aristocrats" variety?)

Oh, you think I can stop you!

All jokes are welcome here, as far as I'm concerned - old ones preferred (or good ones of any vintage).

I'm enjoying this. I always wanted to play emcee!



Mark \\.
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  #26  
Old 01-06-2009, 08:06 PM
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OK, here's one:

"Mommy, mommy! Why do I keep running around in circles?"

"Shut up, or I'll nail your other shoe to the floor!"

[sounds of crickets...]

See? This is why I'm the "emcee," and all of you are the "talent."

Mark \\.
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  #27  
Old 01-06-2009, 08:38 PM
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It's Friday, and guy tells his wife he is going to take the day off from work. He gets his clubs and heads to the golf course. He leaves his cell phone at home so he can't be disturbed.

When he gets home, his wife says "Fifteen minutes after you left, your boss called and wanted to know why you were late. They had some kind of disaster at work and he really needed you. I told him you didn't feel well and were sleeping."

A half hour later your boss showed up at the house. He said he just needed to talk to you for a minute about the problem. I fessed up and told him you went to play golf. I told him I would have you call in the minute you got back home, but that wasn't good enough for him. He said your fired.

Hearing that, the man says "Screw him!"

His wife said " I did. You can head back to work on Monday".
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  #28  
Old 01-06-2009, 09:08 PM
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Every night a guy went down to the pub and ordered three pints. He silently sat there finishing one after the other. Several weeks went by and the Bartender finally asked why he doesn't just buy them one at a time. The man said, "My two brothers left for America and I am just sitting here having a drink with them." It helps me feel close to them while they are so far from home.
Satisfied with the answer the Bartender leaves him be. Several months pass and then one night the man orders just two beers. The bartender fears something terrible has befallen one of the man's brothers and finally gets the nerve to ask him what happened.
The man replied that nothing terrible had happened to either of his brothers. Relieved the bartender asks why then are you only buying two beers. He replied, "I quit drinking!"
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  #29  
Old 01-06-2009, 11:21 PM
jeff_in_AZ jeff_in_AZ is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Der Red Max
What? No psychiatrist jokes?


Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac?

He lies awake all night, wondering if there really is a Dog.
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  #30  
Old 01-06-2009, 11:37 PM
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Talking Another Doggie Joke

Apparently one good dog joke deserves another. (howling off-stage)

My cousin, who is an incurable dog lover, just sent me this one today:


An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly came over to me, and I gave him a few pats on his head. Then he followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.

This continued off and on for several weeks. Finally, I pinned a note to his collar that read, "I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is, and ask if you're aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar. "He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep."

The note concluded, "Can I come with him tomorrow?"


.
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