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#61
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__________________
Black Shire--Draft horse in human form, model rocketeer, occasional mystic, and writer, see: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperba...an-form/8075185 http://www.lulu.com/product/cd/what...of-2%29/6122050 http://www.lulu.com/product/cd/what...of-2%29/6126511 All of my book proceeds go to the Northcote Heavy Horse Centre www.northcotehorses.com. NAR #54895 SR |
#62
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I lost my house at the beginning of 2013.
Didn't have much notice. Sheriff showed up with a 10 day notice. Filed for a court hearing which gave us an extra 10 days. I first got denied, filed an appeal, got denied, and now cutting it close to filing another appeal on time. If I can't get to the SSA office by Friday, I don't know how much longer I'd have to wait until it starts all over again. It's going on 3 years now. There are days I think the world would be better off without me. It is becoming more of a challenge than I can endure most days anymore. |
#63
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You probably won't like this, but losing your home would put you at the head of the line for the benefits I mentioned above. While the quit claim deeding of my house did result in higher rent at my disabled public housing apartment for two years (because fraudsters often divest themselves of property just to get benefits for themselves; in my case I was going to lose the house anyway), losing my house did expedite my getting disability benefits, and: You'll get no argument from me about suicide. Those who spout platitudes about it never being the answer have never walked in our shoes, living every day for months or even years in excruciating pain (inhaling too deeply in my sleep made me wake up screaming in spinal pain). A disabled Vietnam veteran friend and I have discussed our personal criteria for when life is worth living--and when it ^ceases^ to be so--and between us, we have had to educate several health care providers that *quantity* (length) of life isn't the only factor (or even the most important one), but that *quality* of life is. Just be careful about what you might say regarding this to such people, because it triggers legal requirements that they have to fulfill (I loathe this, because my life--and the decisions regarding how and even if I will live, are *mine*, not theirs or the state's). However: Always keep in mind that suicide, if successful, is irreversible, and that a failed suicide attempt can leave one in an even worse state. (My friend knows people who only succeeded in paralyzing or blinding themselves.) We know that one day, because of our respective progressive diseases, life will almost certainly become unbearable, and we will welcome death. So far though, we have found that other, positive, solutions are possible. I think you, too, are still in a situation in which positive alternatives to the final countdown (pun absolutely not intended!) can be found. I had to lose everything--except personal belongings--in order to enter this new phase of my life, and while it may sound depressing and even scary to you, I can testify that it's a much more tranquil life than how I was living before. You will find that instead of being owned by things, you will own things.
__________________
Black Shire--Draft horse in human form, model rocketeer, occasional mystic, and writer, see: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperba...an-form/8075185 http://www.lulu.com/product/cd/what...of-2%29/6122050 http://www.lulu.com/product/cd/what...of-2%29/6126511 All of my book proceeds go to the Northcote Heavy Horse Centre www.northcotehorses.com. NAR #54895 SR |
#64
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Most days are bearable for the most part.
It's those 6 to 8 weeks before my next RF that really get to me, mentally and physically. I often take muscle relaxers for the charlies, and sometimes use them to keep me in a comatose status to make it bearable. What I miss more than anything is my Wood Shop. I hope that someday I will be able to set up a shop again. I just love the smell of freshly cut wood, doing glue-ups and producing unique things. I first got hooked in the 6th grade. Every since I an incurable need to make things out of wood. I guess that is why I personally won't even consider the quick kits or E2X kits, made with plastic parts real model rockets. While I am now doing some leather crafting (also got involved with that in the 6th grade shop classes) I am making molds out of wood for knife sheaths. But all I have in tools is my circular saw, dremel and jig saw...I fully enjoy using them when I am able to. And you are right, there is more positives in life still. But when one looks back at what one could do and what is capable of doing now it can hit the mental status quite hard at times. You look at yourself with much less usefulness than one should. Thank You Kindly for the kind words of wisdom! |
#65
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Staying somewhat more-than-normally-hydrated may also help reduce the cramping (it helped me with that, although everyone is different). If you can get prescribed morphine sulfate pills (my friend and I both take 15 mg extended release tablets twice a day [one every 12 hours], and they make life livable for us; unlike injected morphine, it *doesn't* cause hallucinations of "bugs in one's skin" that some IV morphine recipients experience), they will likely knock your pain down enough to be a nuisance rather than a menace. Also, if inflammation is part of why you're hurting so much, naproxen might help (it and morphine pills can be taken together [my friend takes both], and neither of them trash out the liver and kidneys, as acetaminophen-containing painkillers such as Tylenol and Vicodin do). In addition: I never thought I'd become enthusiastic about E2X and Quick Kit (from Quest) model rockets, but I have. In my case, it wasn't medical considerations that resulted in this, but having only a 1 ft. square building surface (my apartment isn't *that* tiny; I just have other appliances and devices that take up counter space) and being unable to spray paint models outside for much of the year because of the cold (and using an indoor spray booth during the winter would kill me, because the windows must be kept sealed). Also--I must admit--I now enjoy the time-saving (and "mess-saving") of plastic parts over wood ones (and I built plenty of wood-and-paper model rockets), and I've become "spoiled" by laser-cut balsa fins (and even more so by fiber fins...). As well: Having done--and enjoyed--resin-casting, including making cast polyurethane nose cones, I'm now more particular about where and how I expend effort. I'd view a turned wood, sanded-and-sealed nose cone as being a pattern, a mold master, for creating an RTV rubber mold from which I could cast multiple polyurethane resin nose cones. And 3D printing is a whole new world...if they don't exist already, I suspect that wood-shaping 3D printers will come into being before long, as it's a material that's crying out to be able to be worked that way.
__________________
Black Shire--Draft horse in human form, model rocketeer, occasional mystic, and writer, see: http://www.lulu.com/content/paperba...an-form/8075185 http://www.lulu.com/product/cd/what...of-2%29/6122050 http://www.lulu.com/product/cd/what...of-2%29/6126511 All of my book proceeds go to the Northcote Heavy Horse Centre www.northcotehorses.com. NAR #54895 SR |
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