Quite true... and most are inappropriate for the forum...

What cracked me up was the way they managed to destroy as much if not more than the terrorists, and like when the helicopter landed in Egypt and the rotor downwash blew away most of the stuff in the bazaar and the chopper squashed the little vendor stand... here's these dirt poor people and they've just wiped out their livelihoods, and they come waltzing out like heroes... Too close to the truth sometimes...

Oh well, back on topic... OL JR

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The X-87B Cruise Basselope-- THE Ultimate Weapon in the arsenal of Homeland Security and only $52 million per round!

Yup, that's the one! They have been fishing them out our lakes for years!

A little tough to gut and clean, though...


Mark \\.




P. S. None of the above is true! Except the part about gutting and cleaning.

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SAM # 0011

How do you circumcise a hillbilly?







Kick his sister in the chin

A woman was shopping at the local supermarket the other day where she selected:


A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated to her, "You must be single."


She was a bit startled by this proclamation, but was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.


She looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status.


Curiosity getting the better of her, she said: "Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that? "


The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

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"I'm a sandman. I've never killed anyone. I terminate runners when their time is up." Logan from "Logan's Run"

http://sandmandecals.com/

The sisters of the convent of Our Lady of Perpetual Toil were despondent; Sister Emily, the wise and respected Mother Superior, was on her deathbed. While she kept up a brave face, the nuns knew she was suffering terribly.

"Please!" said Sister Cathleen, "Take the medicine that Doctor Smith gave you. There's no sin in that."

"No, no," insisted the old woman, "life is suffering . . . this is God's will."

One of the older nuns had an idea. She drew Sister Immaculata into the kitchen.

"Sister Emily always has a glass of warm milk before bed. We'll put a big slug of whiskey into it and give it to her. That will surely ease her pain."

Sister Immaculata did as she suggested and brought the ailing nun a large mug of spiked milk. She found the whole convent had assembled in the bedroom. They all knew it wouldn't be long.

"Thank you!" said Sister Emily as she was presented with the mug. She took it and downed it in three gulps. "I'll have some more, Sister Immaculata."

As the young nun hurried for more spiked milk the assembled sisters pleaded with Sister Emily. "Please, Reverend Mother!" they asked, "is there any wisdom you can pass on to us? Any advice or knowledge that can help us carry on without you?"

At this moment Sister Immaculata returned. Summoning the last of her strength, the Mother Superior took the mug, sipped at it, and thought about her underling's request. "Well," she said, "you sure as hell should never get rid of the cow who gave this milk!"

That's too much like the truth!!!!!!!!!

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John A. Lee O.S.L.
Alamo Rocketeers NAR Section 661
NAR 87285, L1 8 March 2008
TRA 03040, L1 8 March 2008
Photos of the "Fleet": http://www.flickr.com/photos/23694991@N03/

I used to tell Mom, "...I want to fly rockets when I grow up!"

She said, "Make up your mind, you can't do both!"

Marco was having a terrible time. His job was at risk, his wife was cheating on him, his kids were in trouble. The stress was awful and he felt like the walls were closing in. When he caught himself thinking about jumping out a window he decided he needed help.

Unfortunately, the insurance plan at work was piss-poor. There was no coverage for mental help.

"But," said the company HR representative, "I think I know someone who can help. A colleague at another company refers his employees to him. His rates are reasonable and he's supposed to be able to address these issues in one session."

"Fine," said Marco, taking his card. He made an appointment and the next afternoon went to a session.

The therapist's office was tastefully and expensively decorated. The doctor, a kindly seeming man with a goatee, high forehead, and wire-rimmed glasses, conducted Marco to a couch upholstered in soft leather.

"So," said the doctor, "Please tell me your problems."

Marco laid out his situation. After fifty minutes the doctor gestured for him to stop. "Please stand up sir," he asked.

Marco complied, and asked "Now what? What should I do?"

The doctor read his notes, stroked his chin, then slapped Marco across the face. "GET OVER IT!"

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher, and a Rabbi, would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, the boasting was getting a little out of hand when someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

Well, they all decided to go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they’re all together to discuss the experience.

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. He claimed, "Well brothers, I went out and found a bear, too. And then I read to the bear from The Bible. But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took hold of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."

They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast, and traction, with IV’s and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start"...

I hope you're happy. I think I pulled out some stitches laughing at that one.

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John A. Lee O.S.L.
Alamo Rocketeers NAR Section 661
NAR 87285, L1 8 March 2008
TRA 03040, L1 8 March 2008
Photos of the "Fleet": http://www.flickr.com/photos/23694991@N03/

I used to tell Mom, "...I want to fly rockets when I grow up!"

She said, "Make up your mind, you can't do both!"

Ah, I love a good Catholic joke!

Mark \\. (Confirmation name: Michael)

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SAM # 0011