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  #171  
Old 03-19-2009, 10:23 PM
A Fish Named Wallyum's Avatar
A Fish Named Wallyum A Fish Named Wallyum is offline
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The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express
praise for answered prayers. A lady stood and walked to the podium.

She said, "I have a Praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a
terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain
was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they
imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.

"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every
move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a
delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together
the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold
it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed
uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

"Now," she announced in a quavering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out
of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should
recover completely."

All the men sighed with relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if
anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, "I'm Tom."

The entire congregation held its breath.

"I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum."
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  #172  
Old 03-20-2009, 12:16 AM
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JAL3 JAL3 is offline
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Location: San Antonio, TX
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Quote:
Originally Posted by A Fish Named Wallyum
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express
praise for answered prayers. A lady stood and walked to the podium.

She said, "I have a Praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a
terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain
was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they
imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.

"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every
move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a
delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together
the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold
it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed
uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

"Now," she announced in a quavering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out
of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should
recover completely."

All the men sighed with relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if
anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, "I'm Tom."

The entire congregation held its breath.

"I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum."


Speaking as one with a professional interest. that HURTS!!!!!!!!
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She said, "Make up your mind, you can't do both!"
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  #173  
Old 03-20-2009, 03:21 AM
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Mark II Mark II is offline
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Location: Back Up in the Woods
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JAL3
Speaking as one with a professional interest. that HURTS!!!!!!!!

You mean, as a urologist?


(I know you meant "as a clergyman." I'm just ribbing you. )

MarkII
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  #174  
Old 03-20-2009, 12:00 PM
Jeff Walther Jeff Walther is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Austin, TX
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Heard these on "A Prairie Home Companion" last weekend:


An American couple visits Germany. While there they saw a man peeing on the grass. The wife exclaimed, "Gross!". The German man turned and said, "Thank you."

A grenade exploded in a French kitchen. It was linoleum blown-apart.

My friend became addicted to country line dancing. She had to enter a two-step program.

There was an earthquake. The Earth said, "Sorry." "My fault."
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